Weeding out my social circle


After the initial excitement of facebook and adding, nay, hunting down everybody, many “unfriend” or unsubscribe from their annoying “friends” on facebook. The promise and gumption of beginnings often fade like that, but the social arena is more complex and disorienting than most things. Life and people are confusing, it is as hard to live with people as without.

I’ve started culling my facebook friends too, and it works so well that I’m transferring this practice to real life as well. There could be a simple explanation, like reaching my neocortical processing capacity, my Dunbar’s number. I’m probably arriving to a similar place that American satirist Ambrose Bierce was at in 1902. Recognising the burgeoning network of acquaintances of modern life and the toll social clutter exacts on us, he has wished for a system of “disintroductions”. Someone with a power to proclaim “knowing the low esteem in which you hold each other, I have the honour to disintroduce you. I’m sure you will become very good strangers.” I like his calm approach. Instead of perceiving them as failed friendships, why not think of it as completed relations?

If a baby goes out once in a while with the bathwater, sorry…but I’m just managing my resources: I have fewer days on this earth with each day passing and the awareness that I have less time to waste on unfruitful or frustrating relationships is becoming more acute. After wearing the annoying behaviours for years, those behaviours have caused sore spots and I’m now becoming defensive, or hit out even at the hint of those behaviours. Yes, to others I will appear arrogant and judgmental, attributes actually listed on my own “hated” list below, but I can’t explain myself to everyone (only few would understand me, and even fewer would try). Happy to just let the friendship slide into oblivion, but can tell to their faces not to call as well. Am I getting so old that I care so little?

Who are the people that I’ve decided not to respond to or contact again? In descending order of annoyance (and significant overlaps), they are:

  • The arrogant fact-idiots who are so sure of themselves and dismiss anything others have to say, but they can’t see the forest for the trees. Typically they are rational types who will never understand intuition. Although they do well in unis and have good jobs (heaven help us all), they are dumb penises.
  • The well-off selfish cynic that infer (never directly, but through their actions) that people from other cultures/faiths, and their lives, well-being, feelings, etc.  are of lesser importance. They smugly carry on enjoying all their advantages, rubbing the other’s nose in it and proving their superiority by the other’s relative lack of success.
  • The self-righteous religious folk with cold hearts. They smugly and idiotically believe they can tell who’s going to heaven (them and others of the same faith, no matter how superficially so) or hell (all those of other faiths or no faith). They work for their salvation (even the Christians, they can’t believe in forgiveness because they won’t forgive). Things are black and white: they believe that every letter of their text is unerring and divine, and they understand exactly what those words mean. They say something like “you can’t just do what you want to do, then ask God for forgiveness on your death-bed, because then why did I force myself to live according to my religion?”
  • Those of “no faith” who believe all faith is wrong, and thus become as fundamentalist as the other camps. Often in the fact-idiot category already.
  • The dummies without imagination that believe that other cultures or ways of life are inferior (without knowing anything first-hand, see fluff-heads below). Lack of imagination often prevents this group from accepting an idea such as existence of God, because “if God would exist, why haven’t I seen him/her and anyway, children wouldn’t suffer” or something like that.
  • The ignorant fluff-heads whose ignorance is proportional to their sureness in their opinion and zeal in spreading those.
  • Those that act confident, got the “image” but got nothing to back it up, have inflated egos and sense of self-importance.
  • The poor bleeding hearts. “Did you see on TV? Those savages have killed the poor animal/are cutting the beautiful trees”…never mind that thousands of innocent people die every day because they have no clear water to drink…
  • Those “careful” types that manage by exception, and not realising that they are “carefully” make constant bad decisions. “Did you hear on current affairs? Someone got a food infection at McDonalds”…never mind that thousands die yearly from degenerative diseases (mainly cancer, cardiovascular disease and diabetes) attributable to the crap served there, that happens all the time…they are in the wet dream of the insurance sales-guy.
  • The ones that watch, listen and read propaganda media and shallow commercial media. I find it impossible to hold conversation with those. I’m going to be one lonely figure…this category alone excludes at least 95% of the population.
  • Of the ones left, of course I’m avoiding the nationalists, elitists, manipulative ones, militaristic ones, show-offs, power-tripping ones and the hypocrites. I’m sure the list can grow significantly with a little effort.
I can get over anything  if that person has an open mind. I love seeing those already in mid-age or higher who still can actively and emphatically listen to the other, but that is one in a thousand.
Before I wanted a funeral with many people. Then I’ve realised I really wanted one with only ones I’d prefer having there, even if that is only a handful. Now I’m making steps to ensure that only those will be there, and hopefully concentrating my energies, I’m closer to my latest aim.
I think this spleen-venting is therapeutical, I’m feeling better already.  Now I need the serenity prayer badly…”O God and Heavenly Father, grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed, courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen”. There is also the niggling thought that I have to be careful not to drop off the wagon completely…if removing myself too much, for too long, I’m afraid I’ll be able to take common ignorance even less…need to keep myself in training…perhaps I’ll come back to those thoughts when the annoyance sore-spots are a bit more rested and if humanity still wants me back.
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